Roger and I are having a rough night emotionally. It is so hard to look at our baby lying there. We go in optimistic and all these little things really start to wear on you. The nurses and doctors never seem too concerned over numbers, etc. Every time we see a change we panic...it's our baby. It hit us in the face tonight that this panic is NEVER going to go away. We know normal parenthood has constant worries but in our case we will forever be worried about oxygen levels, heart beats, and infections...essentially, life and death. That is a heavy burden to carry. It seems so unfair and unreal. We still have periods (like tonight) where we are so angry! Angry that we have to endure this and angry that our little baby has to go through all of this. We get by day to day but the fear and anxiety never go away...it feels like they are getting worse.
We need to focus on the good things...like lil Bug. He is beautiful and he is a fighter and he will be such an amazing little guy. I dream of the day we can introduce Vinny and Zee to their baby brother. Time...we just need to hurry through these rough times and trust in God.