Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
What we wanted to do was get away from our thoughts! Unfortunately, it looks like that is impossible. Every activity, every song we hear, every store we go into.....something reminds us that he is gone and never coming back. We've been doing a great job of" acting normal". I hardly ever cry in public (except when the massage lady asks how many kids I have) but my mind is constantly on him. I run through those last few hours before his surgery, my last time rocking him to sleep, how I'll never see his smile again. I stay up late because I can't sleep....my heart hurts too much. Why did He have to take MY boy? Travis was so strong.....we thought he'd beat the odds. I banked all of my hopes and dreams on it. Now they are shattered and I am a mess. I feel like I need to talk but I don't want to talk to anyone. I feel tired but I can't sleep. I feel alone but I have Roger and Addie. I feel angry but also blessed. How are you supposed to come to a new normal with all those crazy emotions? How am I supposed to "get away" from all this? It's a nightmare and I am stuck living it.......
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
From the moment we found out we were expecting our first baby we were thrilled. I have never seen Roger more excited than the day we found out that our first born baby was a boy. He literally jumped up off the couch from excitement. I cried….happy tears. I was happy and my heart was so full watching Roger beaming with pride. We promptly stocked Travis’ room with every sports themed baby item available. I used to joke….”What if he hates sports? What if he wants to act instead?”. Little did we know that we had much bigger things to be concerned about…
When we found out about Travis’ special heart we were terrified. The day of his diagnosis was a blur…through the tears, we remember the words “there is no cure but there is a well defined surgical approach”. We weren’t sure we were up to this challenge. We questioned a lot. Why us? Could we hand our baby over for surgery after surgery? Is it fair? It took us awhile to accept our fate and we decided that our little dude was going to be a fighter and we were going to fight with him! Little did we know that the next year and a half would take us on the most extreme ride of our lives. This journey was filled with fear, questions, unknowns, sleepless nights, helplessness, anxiety and terrifying medical procedures. But through it all there was hope, laughter and LOVE, lots and lots of love. Love oozed out of us….our family….our friends…. and love oozed out of our boy. He truly was the most loving, joyful, smiley baby boy around. The last 16 months have been the best months of our lives.
Travis had gorgeous eyes, a brilliant smile, he said “melmo” and “brobro” when he saw his favorite characters, he LOVED to dance to New Edition’s Cool It Now, he was SO proud of himself when he learned to throw a ball, he loved being pushed around on his tricycle, he loved to watch people (especially kids), he LOVED chocolate pudding and oreos, he loved to snuggle with mommy, he was addicted to his paci and Yo Gabba Gabba. He loved to chase his dogs all around. He loved water: whether it be swimming classes, a bath or just his dog’s water dish. He had a sassy attitude and a myriad of expressive looks. Man, you could certainly tell what he was thinking! He loved staring contests (even though he ALWAYS lost because he would laugh first) and wasting whole rolls of toilet paper. He loved reading and he knew how to “pray” when it was time for bed. He loved Christmas lights and messing with his new sister. He enjoyed life and brought joy to everyone around him!!! It is amazing how many lives one special little boy can touch!
We wanted to thank all of our friends and family for their support and understanding as we fought alongside our warrior. I know it was difficult for some of you to understand the magnitude of his condition but we so appreciate the prayers and love that you all shared for our boy! Through every surgery and difficult time we felt the love from “Team Travis”. We also want to thank Travis’ doctors and nurses who were so gracious and supportive even when we had a million and one questions and even when we wanted them to hypothesize the “unknowns”. We are not sure that there are adequate words to appropriately thank them. Hopefully, looking around this room at all the love that this one little boy brought to the world is proof that they make a huge difference. Travis was pure joy and we are so very grateful for every minute and every memory we had with him!!
Travis, we promise we will continue to support CHD research that may someday find a cure for all the little special hearts. We promise to keep your memory alive. Your daddy and I will always, always have you in our hearts and in our lives. We will make sure your sister knows just how much you loved her. We will miss you more than we can fathom but we will be okay….we know you would want us to be tough…..just like you, our little warrior. We love you Buggie!