Friday, May 7, 2010

A Mother's Love

They really aren't kidding when they say having a baby makes your heart grow larger than you can imagine. You will do anything for that little being that grew inside you for 9 months. Those who don't have kids do not understand......they can't, it's impossible.

Here is what happened tonight:
Travis is hungry. Occasionally he wakes up and cries. Usually a paci dipped in water will calm him. A little bit ago he was screaming his head off and NOTHING I did was calming him. I can not yet pick him up (because of all the lines still in him) so I tried everything else I could do....singing, patting, shushing.....nothing was working. Finally, I was fed up and said "this is not okay his heart rate is 190.....I need to pick him up". The nurse (who is not a mom) says "it's okay for babies to cry" and then she continued on with what she was working on. She has no idea how painful that is for me to hear. It is NOT okay for him to scream his head off!!!! After he calmed down I stepped out of the room to collect myself. My heart was aching an indescribable ache. He is calm and sleeping now but I am a mess. This is really hard.


  1. Awww...that is so hard. You are one but a mom can understand. I know your heartache only too well with not being able to pick him up when he is crying. It breaks your heart. I am with you on the no crying...babies do not NEED to cry. I feel for you and am praying Travis is home with you soon.

  2. Travis is so lucky to have you there by his side; I know how helpless you feel when it seems like there is nothing you can do, especially when you can't pick him up yet. Will they let you dip the paci in SweetEase? I know how scary it seems with all the lines and wires, but it sounds like not eating is what's really irking the little guy. I sometimes think that the worst part about being a heart mom is that our little troopers will never remember, but for us it is nearly impossible to forget what they've been through, even the seemingly simple moments when they are crying and you can't console them. You are doing a great job; don't squelch your mother's instinct! If holding him will decrease his heartrate, can you push for that to happen sooner than later? Thinking of you guys.

    Hannah Barrett