Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Highs and Lows

Tough day! The day started off with seeing Travis and finding out his Fio2 number (oxygen) had to be double over the night. We were really concerned about this number because everything else looked good. They said any number of things could be the reason. As such, they put him back on nitrous. Dr. Lamberti did the chest exploration (opened up the wound to see if everything looked okay and to see if it was ready to be closed up). He decided not to close up his chest and just to give his heart and lungs a little more time to recover. He did take the packing out. He mentioned to us that he was surprise they had taken Travis of the nitrous to begin with. Anyway, as the day progressed Travis continued to be stable but they messed with his numbers (settings on the machines) all day. Tonight, his blood pressure and heart rate went high. His heart rate was 197 at one point. They also found out he had a fever. They are thinking that this MAY be some sort of infection. So, they took cultures and send them to the lab. They also started him on two general antibiodics, just in case. After starting the antibiodics and giving him a little pain meds his heart rate and fever came down. As we left right now, he was resting comfortably and his numbers were all looking good. He opened his eyes for us a couple of times today...trying to reassure us that he is a fighter.

Roger and I are having a rough night emotionally. It is so hard to look at our baby lying there. We go in optimistic and all these little things really start to wear on you. The nurses and doctors never seem too concerned over numbers, etc. Every time we see a change we panic...it's our baby. It hit us in the face tonight that this panic is NEVER going to go away. We know normal parenthood has constant worries but in our case we will forever be worried about oxygen levels, heart beats, and infections...essentially, life and death. That is a heavy burden to carry. It seems so unfair and unreal. We still have periods (like tonight) where we are so angry! Angry that we have to endure this and angry that our little baby has to go through all of this. We get by day to day but the fear and anxiety never go away...it feels like they are getting worse.

We need to focus on the good things...like lil Bug. He is beautiful and he is a fighter and he will be such an amazing little guy. I dream of the day we can introduce Vinny and Zee to their baby brother. Time...we just need to hurry through these rough times and trust in God.


  1. Hi - I found your blog through another blog that I follow. I can very much relate to what you're going through. My daughter, who is 3, has had 4 open heart surgeries and is now pacemaker dependant. Despite all of that, she is doing awesome! I remember being where you are just being hit with so many emotions. One piece of advice that's sometimes hard to follow is to try and get rest. I know it's so much easier said than done, but it really does make a difference with all the emotions you are dealing with and also to make intelligent decisions. My prayers are with you, your family, and of course the lil guy. God bless. Angie

  2. You are right... the worries with a healthy baby can be crazy. I can not even start to imagine what you two are going through. Just remember... many out here are thinking of Travis many times through the day, many are praying for you. It sounds like there is quite a community of people who have gone through what you are going through. Find strength in the battle they have already gone through. Trust the nurses and doctors. I know that at some point they need to figure out how to turn off some emotion because they see this every day they come to work. They are the ones though who know how to read the numbers and tweak things to make them better.

    Keep your faith in God, eachother and Travis. He is a fighter!!

  3. God bless all of you for all that you are going through. Our prayers are with you.

    Jeff and Renae

  4. It does get easier, I promise. Just not for a little while. In a year you are going to look back and be amazed at how far he's come and how "normal" you feel. Hang in there!

    Mom to Jack, 15 months, HLHS