Monday, May 2, 2011

Everything is Difficult

It is difficult to get up in the morning. It is difficult to focus. It is difficult to have patience. It is difficult to be at work. It is difficult to be home. It is difficult to breathe.

Everything is difficult without you.

It still just doesn't seem real. A nightmare of epic proportions. Why did God choose us? Everyone says that God picked the right parents....I suppose that is true, I mean I wouldn't want for anyone else to have beautiful you. I just wish he hadn't chosen you to be sick and to only visit this earth for such a short time. I guess He didn't realize just how hard we struggled to have you. I guess He didn't realize just how much we needed you. I guess He didn't realize how much you were loved. I guess He didn't realize how broken we would be when he called you to Heaven. He must have thought we were strong. I suppose I did too.....before all this.

Every night I go to bed wishing you would visit me in a dream. I just want to see your sweet face. I just miss you that much. I wonder if you are walking yet. You were so close. We thought for sure it'd be any minute. I wonder if you can say "dada" yet. You know, your daddy really is so sad he never got that gift from you. I signed his birthday card with a note from you. I wrote "Daddy, I really miss you and I love you so much. Love, Buggy".

We need to get some professional pictures taken of Addison. I've been putting it off because we'll need to take a family portrait and I just can't without you. How do we do that? Shit....just the thought of it makes me physically sick. I just need to borrow some of your strength Trav. I am falling to pieces.

Everything is difficult without you.

2 comments:

  1. I dont really know what to say except I do not think any loving parent could have any more strength than you do after all you fought for. I am praying for you. I want to share a book for you to read but I cant think of the name...i will find it...but I have to share part of it with you now, I feel compelled to... Its a family of faith that wrote it and they lost a child almos full term boy by miscarriage but years later they had another son and at some point he had surgery...not sure what for... But the boy had out of body experience, I think passef for a few min... Well later he told his parents he saw himself having surgery, he was above the table and knew details of it, well they were intrigued but thought nah probably dream or somthing until he said....oh and I wasnt scared because my brother was with me, he said he loves you and he is the one that told me I need to come back. Well they never told him yet of there miscariage, he was too young to explain that to...well this was proof to them and they later wrote a book on afterlife. There is so much proof out there that cant be anything else but the proof some of us desperatly need. I imagine this doesnt bring much comfort now but I will post name of book soon for you. I was moved to share that part with you now. You will be with your son again. Its not fair that you were robbed of him in this life but he knows how much you and his dad deeply love him and watches over all of you. Prayers to you

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  2. My heart breaks for you over and over again. I am so sorry. Travis and your family remain in my thoughts and prayers daily.

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