Monday, March 21, 2011

The "Normal" We Never Wanted.

Nicole and I went back to work today for the first time since Travis has passed. It was really hard to get up and leave the house knowing that Travis would not be there when we returned.
The drive down to the high school for me was easier than I thought, because of the distraction of my favorite morning sports talk show(Scott and BR). Once I turned off the car and headed into my office it really started feeling funny. I then logged on my computer like I have many times before and my desktop picture is of my beautiful boy. I immediately started to get sad and needed some fresh air. I decided to head up to the front office trying to avoid as many teachers/students as possible, but it is hard in such a big school. I ended up walking with the substitute teacher that took my place for the last couple of weeks. We talked for a bit about my classes and as we were about to head into the administration office I just felt overwhelmed with emotion. I had to find a place to let out tears. I used an assistant principals office and lost it. I really haven't let tears out like that since the weekend we had to say goodbye to Travis. With the help of three amazing women I was able to compose myself. I was lucky enough to have somebody help me get through the first class of the day. It got a lot easier as the day went on and it started feeling normal again. I had several awkward moments with my students and who could blame them. They are teenagers still learning how to think and live. Most adults don't know what to say to Nicole and I, shoot we don't know what we want people to say to us. I did have a good encounter with a student who I had last year who always asked about Travis. She would always ask to see new pictures of him and always ask how he was doing. She caught me before I got to my car to leave and just gave me a hug and said "I know how much you loved him, and he does too." I said thank you to her and got in my car to leave with tears in my eyes, but pride in my heart. Travis will be forever in our hearts everyday. Especially the tough days that are ahead as we begin our new "Normal Life" that we didn't want.


  1. May you feel the blessings of our merciful God pouring over you even now. My heart and prayers are with you through this step of the journey too. Ruud

  2. Hi Roger,

    Reading this and understanding to some point about going back to work after this- My mom's passing was just the absolute worst thing in my life, and also my miscarriage... All around seems so unreal and you feel so numb... like the world stops for you, but not for the other people around you at work... I remember going back to work, too, after my mom's passing. The teachers and my principal at Madison were great and my students and assistants in special ed really keep me going... Your mom played a really important role for me when my mom passed. I am really grateful and blessed to have had her around- and blessed to have her in my life still.
    The constant reminders are the hardest, it just makes things too real! It really felt as though my world come tumbling down on me when my mom passed. Just wanted to relate my feelings here to you because I really felt numb going back to work after that..
    Thinking of you and your family...
    Leesa (Ryan's teacher from Madison)

  3. Dear Roger,

    The decision you and Nicole made to make sure Travis met as many people as he could will become another of his blessings for both of you. We all feel so fortunate because we had the chance, however fleeting, to meet your son.

    So, now everyone that Travis met or that he touched by seeing his pictures, reading your words about him, his life and your lives; those people are all around you to hold you up as you take each day at a time. It's a Travis thing...It's a DiCarlo thing.

    Blessings and hugs,


  4. I dnt personally know u...Im so heartbroken I dnt kno what to say except Anyone cant help love your lil guy, how can anyone resist him
    So full of n happiness beamed from if he had beams of light radiating from him that entranced ppl. So my point is he beamed of Love n Happiness because he got love n happiness from his parents. He Totally without a doubt knew he was loved n adored and he loved n adored you back for it. U can see jus from his pics. He loves you still but he knows he will see you again. Point is u guys made him more than happy and he loves you. Doesnt make it easier for us but pls remember u will be together again, I know it doesnt seem soon enough. Prayers to you

  5. Hi,

    I came across your blog. I recently lost my father to Heart Disease right before Christmas. I hope the days get a little easier and the memories never fade. He sounds like an amazingly strong little kid and he fought with everything he had. This quote is from a movie and I think it speaks volumes.

    "Whatever you do in life will be insignificant but it is very important that you do it because you can't know, you can't ever really know the meaning of your life. And you don't need to, just know that your life has a meaning. Every life has a meaning whether it lasts one hundred years or one hundred seconds. Every life and every death changes the world in its own way. Ghandi knew this, he knew his life would mean something to someone, somewhere, somehow. And he knew with as much certainty that he could never know that meaning...He understood that enjoying life should be of much greater concern then understanding it. And so do I. You can't know...So don't take it for granted...But don't take it too seriously...Don't postpone what you want...Don't leave anything misunderstood...Make sure the people you care about know...Make sure they know how you really feel...Because just like that...It could end."

    Keep fighting...grieving is not easy but you will make it. Prayers to you, your family, and all that knew Travis.

    God Bless,

  6. I write the blog for Joey Codoni. I have not updated it in a long time. I was updating it and thought I would check in on Travis. I am soooo sorry for your loss. God has a plan and that's is the only way I think believers can truely go on. As a mother of 4 I can not imagine what you going through. You are an insprition to hold true to your faith in such a difficult time. God Bless and know that so many people's lives have been touched by Travis, some never met him. He is beautiful!!!

  7. Anonomous here just ckecking in to wish u and your fam strength and peace this next week. Thinking of you guys always and feel so helpless as a person that I cant make things better for your sweet fam. But your boy made a difference in many lives and his purpose must go on through u. With love blessings and lots of prayers I pray for peace for u this week