Team Travis: Everything is Difficult

Monday, May 2, 2011

Everything is Difficult

It is difficult to get up in the morning. It is difficult to focus. It is difficult to have patience. It is difficult to be at work. It is difficult to be home. It is difficult to breathe.

Everything is difficult without you.

It still just doesn't seem real. A nightmare of epic proportions. Why did God choose us? Everyone says that God picked the right parents....I suppose that is true, I mean I wouldn't want for anyone else to have beautiful you. I just wish he hadn't chosen you to be sick and to only visit this earth for such a short time. I guess He didn't realize just how hard we struggled to have you. I guess He didn't realize just how much we needed you. I guess He didn't realize how much you were loved. I guess He didn't realize how broken we would be when he called you to Heaven. He must have thought we were strong. I suppose I did too.....before all this.

Every night I go to bed wishing you would visit me in a dream. I just want to see your sweet face. I just miss you that much. I wonder if you are walking yet. You were so close. We thought for sure it'd be any minute. I wonder if you can say "dada" yet. You know, your daddy really is so sad he never got that gift from you. I signed his birthday card with a note from you. I wrote "Daddy, I really miss you and I love you so much. Love, Buggy".

We need to get some professional pictures taken of Addison. I've been putting it off because we'll need to take a family portrait and I just can't without you. How do we do that? Shit....just the thought of it makes me physically sick. I just need to borrow some of your strength Trav. I am falling to pieces.

Everything is difficult without you.

2 comments:

AnonymousMay 2, 2011 at 10:58 PM
I dont really know what to say except I do not think any loving parent could have any more strength than you do after all you fought for. I am praying for you. I want to share a book for you to read but I cant think of the name...i will find it...but I have to share part of it with you now, I feel compelled to... Its a family of faith that wrote it and they lost a child almos full term boy by miscarriage but years later they had another son and at some point he had surgery...not sure what for... But the boy had out of body experience, I think passef for a few min... Well later he told his parents he saw himself having surgery, he was above the table and knew details of it, well they were intrigued but thought nah probably dream or somthing until he said....oh and I wasnt scared because my brother was with me, he said he loves you and he is the one that told me I need to come back. Well they never told him yet of there miscariage, he was too young to explain that to...well this was proof to them and they later wrote a book on afterlife. There is so much proof out there that cant be anything else but the proof some of us desperatly need. I imagine this doesnt bring much comfort now but I will post name of book soon for you. I was moved to share that part with you now. You will be with your son again. Its not fair that you were robbed of him in this life but he knows how much you and his dad deeply love him and watches over all of you. Prayers to you
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Wodzisz FamilyMay 3, 2011 at 5:16 AM
My heart breaks for you over and over again. I am so sorry. Travis and your family remain in my thoughts and prayers daily.
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Travis Gary DiCarlo

Travis Gary DiCarlo, first son of Roger and Nicole DiCarlo, was born at San Diego Kaiser Hospital, October 23, 2009 with a Congenital Heart Defect known as Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, or HLHS. The short explanation is that Travis was born with only half of a heart. In order for him to live, a series of three operations were planned.

Due to an infection, Travis had to have an additional open heart surgery to insert pulmonary artery bands on October 29, 2009. He had his Norwood Surgery on November 21, 2009. He was sent home on December 14, 2009 from Rady's Children Hospital of San Diego after spending his first 52 nights of life in the hospital.

After being home for several months, Travis was due to for his next surgery in the plan, the Glenn procedure. But the life of a cardiac kid can change in an instant and life doesn't always go as planned. Due to the anatomy of his heart and some rhythm issues, Travis had what the surgeons called Norwood part 2. They replaced his Sano Shunt with a bigger one, enlarged his pulmonary arteries and installed a pacemaker. This surgery was performed on May 3, 2010. Travis went home on May 17th, 2010.

Around Travis' first birthday in October his cardiologist detected some narrowing in his pulmonary artery and ordered a heart cath. The heart cath showed extensive narrowing in his aorta and his pulmonary artery. On February 17, 2011 Travis had his 4th open heart surgery. He was doing well with recovery until he suddenly went into cardiac arrest on Friday (2/18). After two hours of CPR Travis was placed on ECMO (a heart/lung bypass). Although his heart did begin to beat again on its own, his brain was damaged during the whole ordeal and he lost all brain function. We had to say goodbye to our beautiful boy on Saturday, February 19th. We miss our boy terribly.....