Team Travis: Physical Pain

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Physical Pain

I suppose no one would ever really know just how physical grief is unless you experience it to this extent. Most days it is a chore just to peel myself off of the mattress. I walk around throughout the day zombie like. Even when I sleep well, I am tired. My eye lids are heavy. I am overeating....which doesn't help the situation. My clothes feel tight and I feel worse about myself. I have headaches and feel sick to my stomach. Loud noises/beeping/whistling sounds scare the shit out of me. Wish I could just escape this for a day....even for a minute.

Thursday at 4 we meet with the team at Rady's to discuss the autopsy results. We are hoping for a clear cut reason why this happened. I am fairly confident we won't get that....nothing about HLHS seems to be clear cut...so, I won't hold my breathe. I am just not sure how I can live this life without a "reason" why this happened.

2 comments:

AnonymousMay 11, 2011 at 6:57 PM
God I hate that you have to live this life without your beautiful boy. It is so unfair that any family has to go through this. You dont know me but I just want you to know you have lots of people lifting your family in prayer. I can assume that is not that comforting to you, but I will continue to lift your family in prayer and find others to faithfully pray for you. You will be in our thoughts tomorrow. You can not punish yourself, you have enough pain without self destructing. You guys did the best you could and do not forget your family will never be the same in this life but you will be whole again with your lil guy.
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Nancy PonceMay 30, 2011 at 9:51 PM
I'm am so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine the pain your family must feel of losing your beautiful little boy. My nephew Felix Kory Ponce was also born with HLHS on August 3, 2010 and the thought of loosing him is unberable. Everyday I'm grateful that he's here and our family remains as strong as we can be. But every other day we have our fears that something can go wrong. Until recently i have tried to read other families heart journeys but I would stop myself from reading any further if the news was even remotely sad. Yet we try and face life everyday for him as normal as we possibly can. i can't imagine what your feeling or going through but my family's love and prayers are with you. Little travis will be remembered forever because he's in your hearts forever!
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Travis Gary DiCarlo

Travis Gary DiCarlo, first son of Roger and Nicole DiCarlo, was born at San Diego Kaiser Hospital, October 23, 2009 with a Congenital Heart Defect known as Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, or HLHS. The short explanation is that Travis was born with only half of a heart. In order for him to live, a series of three operations were planned.

Due to an infection, Travis had to have an additional open heart surgery to insert pulmonary artery bands on October 29, 2009. He had his Norwood Surgery on November 21, 2009. He was sent home on December 14, 2009 from Rady's Children Hospital of San Diego after spending his first 52 nights of life in the hospital.

After being home for several months, Travis was due to for his next surgery in the plan, the Glenn procedure. But the life of a cardiac kid can change in an instant and life doesn't always go as planned. Due to the anatomy of his heart and some rhythm issues, Travis had what the surgeons called Norwood part 2. They replaced his Sano Shunt with a bigger one, enlarged his pulmonary arteries and installed a pacemaker. This surgery was performed on May 3, 2010. Travis went home on May 17th, 2010.

Around Travis' first birthday in October his cardiologist detected some narrowing in his pulmonary artery and ordered a heart cath. The heart cath showed extensive narrowing in his aorta and his pulmonary artery. On February 17, 2011 Travis had his 4th open heart surgery. He was doing well with recovery until he suddenly went into cardiac arrest on Friday (2/18). After two hours of CPR Travis was placed on ECMO (a heart/lung bypass). Although his heart did begin to beat again on its own, his brain was damaged during the whole ordeal and he lost all brain function. We had to say goodbye to our beautiful boy on Saturday, February 19th. We miss our boy terribly.....