We gave your sister a bath today in your duck tub. My heart sank when the beak quacked. You always thought that was so funny. Earlier today I was trying to remember how you moved your hands when you heard the Itsy Bitsy Spider....I was so sad that I couldn't visualize it. I don't want to forget those little things we shared. Daddy helped me remember. He misses you Travis. I can see it. His soul is aching for his boy....and mine is too. How unfair this is to have held you for such a short time. I was at Target yesterday buying Addie a book and I saw "Night, Night Prayer". Everyone must have thought I was crazy because I immediately started crying. I could picture us sitting on the floor in your room like we did every night. Some nights you were too tired to even finish and you would lean back against me as I read. On the nights you made it to the end, we held your hands together and prayed "And thank you most of all dear God for watching us with love." I hope God is watching out for you now. I pray you are sitting with Jesus. I pray that you are happy and most of all I pray that Heaven is real. I can't bare to imagine that I won't see you again one day.
Do you know you gave me the greatest gift? You made me a mom Travis. I had waited my whole life to have that title and I was so thankful. Then, to top it off, God gave me you....sweet, special you. Your smile, your eyes, everything was perfect. We were so happy. Now, there is such sadness. Addie brings small bits of sunshine but, we are not whole with out you.
Buggy, I hope you aren't mad that Addie will grow to use your toys and do the things we did with you. I hope you know that we are never trying to replace you. Our hearts ache for you and the memories sting more than you can imagine. Our hearts ache for all the memories we were robbed of. Mr. Man, your daddy and I miss you. I'm not even sure how to live this life without you.
All my love forever,