What if we didn't agree to surgery on the 17th?
What if we pushed it out to March?
What if he hadn't fully recovered from the croup?
What if he wasn't ready?
What if we had received the message that Mark, our pastor, was outside that morning to pray with us?
What if they had left the breathing tube in longer?
What if he wasn't ready for it to come out?
What if I hadn't traded with Roger that morning at 5am to go sleep?
What if I had just stayed there and held his hand myself?
What if they hadn't tried to have me hold him before he coded?
What if the had pout pace maker wires in?
What if they hadn't sedated him quite as much?
What if he was scared when he opened his eyes that next day?
What if his last conscious memory was one of fear?
What if he doesn't understand why we had him and put him through all this?
What if he's angry at us?
What if there is no heaven?