Team Travis: A Mother's Love

Friday, May 7, 2010

A Mother's Love

They really aren't kidding when they say having a baby makes your heart grow larger than you can imagine. You will do anything for that little being that grew inside you for 9 months. Those who don't have kids do not understand......they can't, it's impossible.

Here is what happened tonight:
Travis is hungry. Occasionally he wakes up and cries. Usually a paci dipped in water will calm him. A little bit ago he was screaming his head off and NOTHING I did was calming him. I can not yet pick him up (because of all the lines still in him) so I tried everything else I could do....singing, patting, shushing.....nothing was working. Finally, I was fed up and said "this is not okay his heart rate is 190.....I need to pick him up". The nurse (who is not a mom) says "it's okay for babies to cry" and then she continued on with what she was working on. She has no idea how painful that is for me to hear. It is NOT okay for him to scream his head off!!!! After he calmed down I stepped out of the room to collect myself. My heart was aching an indescribable ache. He is calm and sleeping now but I am a mess. This is really hard.

2 comments:

Wodzisz FamilyMay 7, 2010 at 5:22 AM
Awww...that is so hard. You are right...no one but a mom can understand. I know your heartache only too well with not being able to pick him up when he is crying. It breaks your heart. I am with you on the no crying...babies do not NEED to cry. I feel for you and am praying Travis is home with you soon.
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AnonymousMay 7, 2010 at 6:14 AM
Travis is so lucky to have you there by his side; I know how helpless you feel when it seems like there is nothing you can do, especially when you can't pick him up yet. Will they let you dip the paci in SweetEase? I know how scary it seems with all the lines and wires, but it sounds like not eating is what's really irking the little guy. I sometimes think that the worst part about being a heart mom is that our little troopers will never remember, but for us it is nearly impossible to forget what they've been through, even the seemingly simple moments when they are crying and you can't console them. You are doing a great job; don't squelch your mother's instinct! If holding him will decrease his heartrate, can you push for that to happen sooner than later? Thinking of you guys.

Hannah Barrett
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Travis Gary DiCarlo

Travis Gary DiCarlo, first son of Roger and Nicole DiCarlo, was born at San Diego Kaiser Hospital, October 23, 2009 with a Congenital Heart Defect known as Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, or HLHS. The short explanation is that Travis was born with only half of a heart. In order for him to live, a series of three operations were planned.

Due to an infection, Travis had to have an additional open heart surgery to insert pulmonary artery bands on October 29, 2009. He had his Norwood Surgery on November 21, 2009. He was sent home on December 14, 2009 from Rady's Children Hospital of San Diego after spending his first 52 nights of life in the hospital.

After being home for several months, Travis was due to for his next surgery in the plan, the Glenn procedure. But the life of a cardiac kid can change in an instant and life doesn't always go as planned. Due to the anatomy of his heart and some rhythm issues, Travis had what the surgeons called Norwood part 2. They replaced his Sano Shunt with a bigger one, enlarged his pulmonary arteries and installed a pacemaker. This surgery was performed on May 3, 2010. Travis went home on May 17th, 2010.

Around Travis' first birthday in October his cardiologist detected some narrowing in his pulmonary artery and ordered a heart cath. The heart cath showed extensive narrowing in his aorta and his pulmonary artery. On February 17, 2011 Travis had his 4th open heart surgery. He was doing well with recovery until he suddenly went into cardiac arrest on Friday (2/18). After two hours of CPR Travis was placed on ECMO (a heart/lung bypass). Although his heart did begin to beat again on its own, his brain was damaged during the whole ordeal and he lost all brain function. We had to say goodbye to our beautiful boy on Saturday, February 19th. We miss our boy terribly.....